Satire
Absurdly Low Number of Valedictorians at Parker
As a school board member, I, Rod Hailey, am sick and tired of the federal government being on our butts about no child being left behind. They are threatening to cut our funding just because so many kids are failing. It is not my fault so many kids skip class and simply don't apply themselves. We are already short on funding, so we need to come up with a plan to make all kids superior. The Parker class of 2007 will only have four valedictorians. What kind of system is this if only four kids are smart enough to get all A's. Obviously the curriculum is just too hard.
I propose that we install a whole new curriculum that will allow for every student to become valedictorian. Why should a class of 400 only have four valedictorians? Why not all 400? We would eliminate all so called Advanced Placement and Honors courses because hard classes aren't needed to get into college. The only thing that matters is becoming......
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